


Wherein Mike Asks Kurt And Blaine For Sex Advice

by rockinhamburger



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-09
Updated: 2011-08-09
Packaged: 2017-10-22 11:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockinhamburger/pseuds/rockinhamburger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Puck's really not someone I want to talk to about my sex life."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein Mike Asks Kurt And Blaine For Sex Advice

**Author's Note:**

> Pure ridiculousness.

"Why does baloney taste so good?" Blaine demanded around a bite of his sandwich. "I know it's basically the devil of lunch meats, but it tastes _so amazing_."

Kurt finished his bite of couscous salad before he responded. "I've never been partial to lunch meats myself. Although I tried a salami, mortodella and ham sandwich in New York that nearly converted me."

"I've never had mortadella before," Blaine said thickly around another mouthful.

"Well, you must! I'll make it my mission to find us some for lunch this weekend," Kurt said, already wondering if the butcher on Green street carried it. "It truly is delicious."

"Pastrami's good, too," Blaine added, the words somewhat muffled from yet another bite of food.

Kurt scrunched up his nose. "Your table manners are appalling, Blaine," he teased. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to talk with your mouth full?"

Blaine replied dryly, "Just my mother. You in competition with her now?"

Kurt cleared his throat and busied himself with his salad just as Mike plopped himself down at their semi-private table outside.

"Hey guys!" he said.

"Hi Mike," Kurt said, in complete unison with Blaine. He smiled. They'd become one of _those_ couples.

Kurt _loved_ it.

Mike fidgeted in his seat. "Uh, do you guys think I could get your advice on something?"

They nodded; Kurt laid his fork on his napkin and Blaine put his juice box down.

"Can you promise not to mention this to anyone?" They nodded again, and Mike grinned. "Thanks. Okay, so, Tina and I..." Mike leaned in closer, and Kurt, intrigued, shared a curious glance with Blaine. "Tina and I, you know... things are going really well with us, it's just... I'm sort of trying to work up the courage to ask her about something I want to try. In bed," he clarified in a rush.

Kurt looked wildly at their surroundings, at some guys throwing a football between them several feet away, and at the group of girls a few tables over who were laughing at some inside joke. "Mike?" said Kurt, faltering slightly in his distinct discomfort. "This... might not be the best place to have this conversation?"

"Oh, right," Mike said, glancing at the girls, who appeared to be distracted by whatever they were talking about. "Well, I'll just be quieter, then," he muttered. "So, yeah things are good, _really_ good, don't get me wrong, but I'm just--I'm sorta shy, you know?"

Kurt privately thought he couldn't be that shy if he was talking to the two of them about it, but he pursed his lips and tried to look attentive instead of disturbed by Mike's words and the mental image they conjured up.

"D'you have any advice on how I can be more... adventurous, and maybe bring up my own. You know, fantasies? I have this one fantasy where Tina would be wearing--"

"Oh, we really don't need to hear the details!" Kurt interrupted urgently. "Um." He turned to Blaine for help. Unfortunately, Blaine was busy looking down at the table with an enormously amused grin on his face. He was alone on this one, apparently. Kurt cleared his throat. "Can I ask why we're the ones you decided go to this with? And not, for example, Puck?"

Mike looked faintly disgusted at the notion. "Puck's really not someone I want to talk to about my sex life. Besides," he added brightly, "Tina's always saying that the two of you are mega adventurous, so you know."

White-hot embarrassment actually blanked out Kurt's vision for a moment, blood rushing through his ears as he absolutely, resolutely _did not_ look at Blaine. He cleared his throat again, too embarrassed for words.

"Well, here's the thing, Mike," Blaine cut in smoothly, like he was helping Mike with a homework assignment. "It's normal to be nervous about trying new things, but I find it's best to bring it up in the moment, you know? Tina seems really sex-positive, so whatever fantasy you have would probably be something she'd be willing to try. My advice is to just go with the flow, because when two people love and trust each other, sex should be pure instinct, no real thought behind it, just doing what feels good."

Kurt crossed his legs, abruptly flustered, and stared at a tree in the distance. How was Blaine so comfortable talking about this? And why was that such a turn-on for _Kurt_?

"So, I should just bring it up when we're getting started?" Kurt glanced over and saw Blaine nodding at Mike enthusiastically. _How bizarre!_ "Cool! Thanks, guys!" Mike said, springing to his feet with ridiculous ease. "Now I get what Tina means about you two being experts."

He smiled and took off for another location, possibly to proposition Tina for adventurous sex. He was long gone by the time Kurt managed to drag his eyes up to meet Blaine's.

Blaine was smirking. "So you talk to the girls about our sex life?" he asked casually.

Kurt flushed and shot back, "Sex should be pure instinct, no real thought behind it, just doing what feels good?"

Blaine leaned in. "You were paying attention," he said, voice low and throaty.

Kurt shivered. "Well, I'm full," he said, placing the lid on his tupperware container with a sharp click. "You?"

"Mhmm. All done here," Blaine muttered, eyes on Kurt's mouth as he wrapped up the remains of his sandwich without looking at what his hands were doing, and got to his feet. He glanced at his watch, then looked up again, eyes devastating and dark. "Ten minutes 'til the end of lunch. Race you to your car?"

In his intense arousal, Kurt barely had the presence of mind to nod up at Blaine let alone to stand and make his way to the parking lot.

Somehow, he found the mental and physical capacity.


End file.
